I realize that not many of my readers are puppeteers, however I have been asked to post a few of my scripts. If you are having a milestone birthday party, there may be a few jokes that might fit your program, so read on!
ELAINE’S 70TH
Polly: Silly Billy, Silly Billy? Did you know that Elaine’s birthday is (date)?
Silly Billy: Really? What year?
Polly: Every year silly, but this year she is turning 70.
Silly Billy: Wow, she’ll be 70?
Polly: Yup, 70. Do you think her skin is starting to show its age?
Silly Billy: I can’t tell…there are too many wrinkles! Do you think Elaine might be starting to feel old?
Polly: Well let’s just say this…If things get better with age, then Elaine is approaching MAGNIFICENT!
Silly Billy: Did you see her cake? Ughhh, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Polly: Well, next time, just remember to take the candles off first! Especially today, because there’s LOTS of them! Kkkkkk
Silly Billy: Mel says that Elaine is a smart shopper. (She is?) Yup, she not only knows what she wants for her birthday, she even knows what she’s going to exchange it for!
Polly: Did you hear that Mel and Elaine want to buy a new vehicle?
Silly Billy: Yup, Mel wants to buy a new van, but Elaine wants a fancy sports car!
Polly: She said, “Mel, Mel? I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less and my 70th birthday is coming up you know!”
Silly Billy: Heh, heh, heh, Guess what he bought her? (What?) A new bathroom scale!
Polly: I heard Elaine say that she wanted diamonds to commemorate her 70th birthday.
Silly Billy: Well, it’s a secret, but the kids all pitched in…and bought her some new playing cards.
Polly: Nice! There’s lot of diamonds in there! Seriously, Silly Billy, did you know that birthdays are good for you? (They are?) Yup, they say that people who have the most, live the longest!
Silly Billy: Right! Hey Polly, let’s do, you know you’re getting old when…
Polly: OK, I’ll start. You know you’re getting old when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes…and you're barefoot.
Silly Billy: You know you’re getting old when you’re in a hostage situation…and you’re released first!
Polly: You know you’re getting old when "getting a little action"…means you don't need to take a laxative.
Silly Billy: On that note…You know you’re getting old when you start thinking adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.
Polly: You know you’re getting old when you give up all your bad habits…and you still don’t feel good.
Silly Billy: You know you’re getting old when you know your secrets are safe with your friends…because they can’t remember them either.
Polly: For your birthday, Elaine, we’d like to share some of our puppet wisdom with you…
Silly Billy: Forget about the past…
Polly: You can’t change it.
Silly Billy: Forget about the future…
Polly: You can’t predict it.
Silly Billy: Forget about the present…
Polly: Because we didn’t get you one!
(Yes, she did think it was funny!
